


Practice

by teudoongiejjang



Series: Tumblr Prompts [10]
Category: LOONA (Korea Band)
Genre: Angst, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Gen, Self-Esteem Issues
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-05
Updated: 2019-06-09
Packaged: 2020-04-08 11:55:01
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,301
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19106584
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/teudoongiejjang/pseuds/teudoongiejjang
Summary: Based on a Tumblr Prompt I received;“can you write one where Hyejoo keeps messing up choreography and thinks that she isn't good enough to be in Loona because the others are so talented”





	1. Chapter 1

Hyejoo didn’t know what she was doing here. Observing her fellow bandmates diligently practising around her she couldn’t help the wave of inferiority that slowly gripped the edges of her mind, infiltrating and steadily morphing her somewhat positive mindset to gloom. Flashes of all the mistakes she’d made, whilst the others had executed moves with flawless precision, flickered repeatedly throughout her mind. The cloud of insecurity and self-deprecation clawed and dragged its way to the surface too much for her own liking. When she had been a trainee surrounded by other, albeit talented, amateurs the negative haze came in waves but infrequently. It was like the moment she debuted a tsunami of negativity crashed into her effectively knocking any sliver of confidence she had left out of her.

The choreographer had them repeat the routine for the umpteenth time, and Hyejoo had an inkling that the reason was her. She couldn’t do it. The choreographer chopped and changed the dance as they went through it over and over, and Hyejoo didn’t fail to notice the way he slowly but surely pushed her behind the others away from view as they went on.

_“It’s probably for the best. He can’t let people see me constantly screwing up,”_ the voice in her head spat bitterly. The frustrated groans that erupted from her members as they were ordered to go over it again, caused tears to prick at the corner of Hyejoo’s eyes. Even if they wouldn’t say it the frustration was directed at her. It was passed midnight and they didn’t even have the solace of the day off tomorrow. The members were already fatigued and needed rest for their early start. She was overcome with guilt but the suffocating darkness threatening to take over her entire existence prevented her from focusing.

Hyejoo mulled over her position in the group. She wasn’t worthy of a main or lead vocalist title like Jiwoo, Haseul, Jungeun, Heejin and Sooyoung, scoffing inwardly, she was sub-par at best. She wasn’t a rapper like Chaewon, Yerim, Jinsoul, and Yeojin. She was supposedly one of the groups dance line, but anyone looking at her performance today wouldn’t believe it. She wasn’t meant to mess up like this, even the simplest of steps had her fumbling in confusion. She didn’t fit in with Sooyoung, Yerim, Heejin, Hyunjin and Jungeun. They were the real dancers of the group. In fact, they had learned the choreography within the hour and she’s certain that they’re growing more and more annoyed the more they watch their fellow ‘dancer’ screw up.

The minutes that passed felt like hours, before the choreographer dismissed them for the night. There was an edge to his voice, signalling that he wasn’t happy with them. Everyone gathered their things together and trudged lifelessly out of the studio toward the minibus to take them back to the dorm for the night. Hyejoo silently hung back, knowing that if she requested to stay longer, she’d be dragged out unwillingly by the leaders. They were all exhausted so perhaps they wouldn’t notice her absence. Sliding down the wall she tucks her knees up to her chest as she waits. With every second that passes she tries to ignore the pang in her heart when she realises that they have in fact not realised her absence.

She would never be as good as them. Hyejoo has come to accept this with a heavy heart since her debut. Her mind rationalises that maybe, just maybe if she stays longer than the rest every practice and carries on for a few more hours she’ll do better. She’ll be better. With extra practice, she’ll be almost worthy to be in the group with them. _“Maybe I’ll be good enough”_. The thought is the only thing that allows her to carry on, despite the aching of her overworked muscles. It’s the only thing that allows her to push back the floodgates that threaten to open with each passing minute and sombre thought.

The next morning as the Loona members roll out of bed to prepare for their schedule for the day, Sooyoung tosses a cushion in the direction of Hyejoo’s bed to wake her up. Upon receiving no reply, she huffs in annoyance at the younger girl, bounding over she rips back the duvet only to find the bed empty. The girl is never up before any of the rest of them, Sooyoung knows this better than anyone as she was tasked with lugging her out of bed every morning. Calling out for the maknae she makes her way to the kitchen to find all of the girls but the one in question.

“Has anyone seen Hyejoo?”

A chorus of no’s echoed throughout the otherwise quiet room. Vivi, Haseul and Sooyoung all shared a look before the three of them briskly turned walk to the cars grabbing keys on the way out, leaving Jungeun in charge. No one spoke as Vivi drove them to the studio, the only place the three could imagine she’d be. Hyejoo’s recent slump, and self-imposed distance from the other members had not gone unnoticed and they believe they were starting to understand why. Vivi parked the car haphazardly in the spaces in front of the studio before hopping out and rushing with the others toward the practice room.

They weren’t prepared for the sight that greeted them when they pushed the door to the room open. Hyejoo lay sprawled out in the middle of the studio. The girl must have collapsed from exhaustion. The bottle beside her, the contents of which had spilled out and pooled to surround her, supported the theory. Haseul rushed forward shaking the youngest’s shoulder firmly to wake her up but to no avail. Sooyoung crouched down, snaking one arm under hers knees and the other around her back and rose to pick the girl up. Sharing a look laced with concern with Haseul and Vivi, the dancer let tears slip out as she opened her mouth to speak.

“Something is seriously wrong with Hyejoo”


	2. Chapter 2

Blinking rapidly, she adjusted to the light that invaded the room, despite the curtains being closed. The sun was shining brightly, indicating to Hyejoo that it was early in the day. Still not fully awake, she kicked the duvet from her body and swiped the sleep from her eyes. As the sleep clouded haze wore off, realisation hit her. She was in a bed. She doesn’t remember getting here. The last thing that flashed through her mind were the steps she repeated and repeated over and over growing increasingly more frustrated and worked up as she just couldn’t get them perfect. Shaking her head sadly, she couldn’t even get them right, never mind perfect. She glances around the room and notices that it’s not yyxy’s but 1/3’s and she’s in Haseul’s bed.

She isn’t able to ponder the confusion floods her mind for very long as the door is creaked open and Vivi, Sooyoung and Haseul step in. They’re talking in hushed tones and they haven’t noticed that Hyejoo is awake. Hyejoo doesn’t like the feeling that encompasses the room, as she has a rising suspicion that she isn’t going to enjoy any of the upcoming conversations. She wants to disappear. She could shut her eyes and pretend she was still dead to the world, however, that seemed like more trouble than it was worth, and they’d most definitely still be there when she gave up the façade.

Pushing herself up into a sitting position she scooted to the edge of the bed. This alerted the other three to the fact she was awake, and they turned to look at their second maknae. A rush of questions broke through the silence of the room, all stumbling over each other and blurting out their thoughts. If it were any other situation, maybe Hyejoo would have found it amusing. Cutting them off, with a hand stretched out in front of her she addressed them.

“what happened, how did I get here?”

“we found you passed out in the middle of the dance studio this morning, you wouldn’t wake up so Sooyoung carried you to the car and Vivi unnie drove us back here”

“what were you doing there so late Hyejoo?” Haseuls tone was harsh as she stared at the younger girl. They never called her Hyejoo, opting for Hye or Olivia to annoy her, unless they were angry. Hyejoo felt her heart clench, not only was she holding the group back, but she was also making them mad at her. In her already fragile state, she couldn’t take much more, and the others seemed to notice the change in her attitude. Haseul softened as she approached her and knelt before her.

“talk to us Hye” She couldn’t though. How was she supposed to tell them that she didn’t feel good enough, that she didn’t feel like she belonged, that the others were so much better than her.

“please just leave me alone unnies,” her voice lacked conviction and cracked midway through her dismissal which broke the other members hearts.

“no,” the gentle tone to Sooyoung’s voice as she sat and reached out to rub random patterns on the youngest’s back caused her lip to tremble. The three oldest watched as Hyejoo’s face slowly crumpled and as she bit her lip hard enough to draw blood in a desperate attempt to stop herself from crying. They still had no idea what was bothering Hyejoo as she fell apart in front of them. At a loss for what to do, Sooyoung scooted closer to the girl and opened her arms. The youngest immediately fell into them as sobs ripped through her body, shaking the entire bed with their force. Wincing at every single one that erupted from Hyejoo, Sooyoung pulled her half onto her lap as she held her to her chest. Vivi had since left the room, for reasons unbeknownst to the two leaders. Haseul who was still kneeling in front of Hyejoo, had to subtly swipe the tears from her own face at seeing the younger so distressed.

Soothing words and encouragements were the only thing that filled the room. Sooyoung and Haseul were at a loss of what to do, so they just stayed with the girl letting her cry it out. When Vivi returned, a laptop with stacks of snacks and drinks wrapped in her arms, Hyejoo had calmed to the occasional sniffle and hiccup. Unceremoniously dropping their supplies atop the bed, the oldest crouched to whisper something to Haseul. Nodding in understanding she sat on the bed and manoeuvred until she was upright back against the headboard, prompting the others to follow. With Hyejoo squished between them, Vivi tossed her juice and some chocolate, and powered up her laptop. The slightest glimpse of the beginnings of a smile could be seen as the corners of her mouth tugged upwards. Food always made her feel better.

“What’s wrong here Hye?”

The question came from Vivi as their eyes were glued to a recent dance cover they’d uploaded on the laptop that sat perched upon her lap. Coaxing the youngest to watch her own movements on the screen had been a struggle and Sooyoung and Haseul were still clueless as to Vivi’s intentions. Timidly raising her hand, a finger landed on the image of herself on the screen.

“I was off beat; I came in too late.”

The video was rewound and paused. Vivi, similar to what Hyejoo had just done, pointed to herself.

“I missed a step; did you see that?”

“My movements weren’t sharp enough there,” Haseul chimed in catching on to Vivi’s plan. Hyejoo had a feeling they were only doing this to make her feel better and it didn’t go unnoticed. So, they spent the next ten minutes stopping and starting old performances analysing each other’s movements, identifying mistakes and places where they could do better. 

“none of us are perfect, all of us at some point have messed up steps. Our choreography is difficult, and the company pushes us so hard, so we improve.”

Vivi’s plan seemed to have done little to ease Hyejoo, as good a plan as it was.

“I hold you guys back,” the admission was meek and barely carried through the room. If it weren’t silent, they wouldn’t have caught it.

“no”

“..no?”

“you don’t hold us back, you’re good, so good. Hyejoo, listen to me! Who goes straight from 7 hours of school to the studio to practice with the rest of us? Who spends her lunch in school in the studio working on vocals? Don’t deny it, Yerim told me. You, Yeojin and Yerim juggle school and being an idol and you still manage to keep up, if not do better than us.”

Sooyoung pleaded with her subunit member to accept the words she was saying. She couldn’t bear the thought of her thinking of herself in such a way.

“you’re hurting yourself Hyejoo. I know we can’t change your perspective in one conversation but please, please promise to come and talk to one of us when you feel this way. Practising until you pass out from exhaustion won’t help anything. Believe me, you’ll only feel worse in the long run”

All four of them were in tears as Hyejoo lay her head on Haseul’s shoulder. The weight of insecurity and doubt that rested on her shoulders was eased, only slightly, by their words. They wouldn’t lie to her, would they? Holding on to the glimmer of hope that their words were true Hyejoo let herself relax. She was tired, emotionally and physically. Her breathing evened out and her eyes drooped closed. As she drifted off in her unnies’ arms letting sleep invade her mind, they heard her whisper.

“okay I promise”


End file.
